Starting the Conversation: Trying Again
Trying again after a miscarriage, failed cycle, or long pause in your fertility journey can bring up a swirl of emotions — hope, fear, grief, and uncertainty. You may be ready to move forward, but unsure how your partner feels. Or maybe you both want to try again but haven’t found the words to begin that conversation.
This guide is here to help you open that door — gently, lovingly, and with mutual understanding.
Why This Conversation Can Feel So Hard
When you've experienced disappointment, both partners process it differently. One may feel hopeful and ready to begin again. The other might still be healing or afraid of more heartache. The tension between those emotional states can make it difficult to speak up.
But avoiding the conversation often creates more distance. Opening it — even if it’s tender — helps rebuild connection, compassion, and trust.
Signs You Might Be Ready to Talk
You don’t need to feel 100% certain or “healed” to start a conversation. But these signs might suggest it’s time to gently check in:
- You’ve been thinking about trying again more often
- You feel emotionally stronger than a few weeks ago
- You’re open to hearing their thoughts without judgment
- You’re hoping to reconnect and find common ground
How to Gently Start the Conversation
You don’t need a perfect plan. You just need kindness, timing, and patience.
1. Choose a calm, low-pressure moment
Avoid emotionally charged situations. Try during a walk, while cooking together, or at a quiet time when you both feel connected.
2. Start softly
Use an opener that doesn’t pressure them for an immediate answer:
- “I’ve been thinking about our next steps and wanted to talk when you feel ready.”
- “I just wanted to check in with how you’re feeling lately.”
3. Share your own emotions
Let them know what you’ve been feeling without placing expectations:
- “I’m starting to feel ready to try again, but only if you’re with me.”
- “I’ve been nervous to bring it up, but I really want to hear where you’re at.”
4. Invite their thoughts
Encourage them to speak freely — even if it’s not what you hope to hear.
5. Be patient
It might take more than one conversation. That’s okay.
If They’re Not Ready Yet
Hearing “not yet” can be hard — but it’s not a rejection of you. It’s just a reflection of where they are emotionally.
What you can say:
- “I understand. We’re in this together — there’s no rush.”
- “Thank you for being honest. I want us both to feel strong before we move forward.”
- “We can revisit this when it feels right for both of us.”
Why They Might Be Hesitant
There are many reasons someone might hesitate to try again:
- Fear of another loss
- Lingering grief from the last cycle
- Emotional or physical exhaustion
- Feeling disconnected or overwhelmed
- Concern about finances or timing
Understanding their fears helps you respond with empathy rather than frustration.
Rebuilding Emotional Connection Before Trying Again
Sometimes what you both need most is to reconnect — outside of the fertility journey. Before planning another cycle, focus on strengthening your bond.
Here are gentle ways to rebuild:
- Share memories from before TTC
- Go on a mini date or weekend away
- Cook something new together
- Try a hobby just for fun
- Talk about your dreams beyond parenthood
When You're Both Ready
If you're both feeling aligned, that's something to celebrate. But don’t rush. Make space to plan together — and support each other through it.
Discuss:
- What kind of support you’ll need emotionally and physically
- What’s changed since the last time (timeline, approach, doctor, etc.)
- What new boundaries or expectations you’d like to set
- How you’ll care for each other during hard days
Final Thought: You’re Still a Team
Whether you’re ready or still unsure, you’re not alone. You’re walking this path together — and that’s what matters most.
Trying again doesn’t mean forgetting what you’ve been through. It means choosing hope again. Choosing each other again. One step, one soft conversation, at a time.
You’re not alone
Keep Reading: Helpful TTC Guides
Here are a few gentle guides to support your emotional TTC journey:
